Growing up with two brothers, and practical and pragmatic parents, I learned from an early age that I could do anything my brothers could. I built my own treehouse, made a go-kart, played with dolls, and got muddy along with the rest of them. I learned I was in charge of my own destiny, and while I grew to cherish input and help, I learned that I was not dependent upon it. Something happens when you don’t need something but can have it anyway. Perhaps you value or appreciate it more.
I can say that I chose to marry Colin because I wanted him, and not because I needed him. I am not dependent upon him to change light bulbs, replace a broken floor tile, replace a lavatory seal, or insert a new pane of glass. I never needed him to change a flat tyre, or to make my happiness for me. Since Colin’s accident, people ask me how it is to be with him. They want to know if I still love him, or if things have changed too much. For me, there is only one response – he is still the same man I married.
Perhaps he is not able to change a tyre, or help me in the garden, or with the pool maintenance, but that is not why I am with him. It is the essence of who he is that I am drawn to. Of course, I miss the hugs, and wish to be swept into his arms at the end of a day, or even sleep in the same bed as him, but these are less important things. He is still Colin. He sleeps in a hospital bed, by necessity, and he cannot sneak up on me when he comes home to give me a hug; but he is still himself.
I had to help a friend whose car battery was dead on the weekend, but it was not a problem as I have done it many times before. I was prepared for this many years ago, and I can’t help wondering if this is exactly where I am meant to be. Sort of that I was preparing for this life all along.
Today I am grateful for my Dad who lives with us. Thanks, Dad. It may have taken me 40 years, but I finally get it. Maybe today, I have finally grown up. XxX