Today was a very difficult day.
They say he will need to stay there for 6 months, and I am really starting to understand the full impact of what has happened to him. The team is wonderful and very helpful and caring; but I find that I was still thinking along the wrong lines and perhaps being too naive or hopeful. He has had a devastating injury and although they are working really hard on his arms, shoulders, and wrists, but there is still a question about the legs, bowel, bladder, and hands. I understand and believe they are working really hard on helping him be as independent as possible with what he has, as well as constantly looking for any signs of returning movement in other places. As soon as they feel a hint of anything they work on it like mad – for example, the returning movement he has had in hie right wrist. I sort of have mixed feelings because it is still all just too much to even begin to understand and grapple with (never mind how he must be feeling, or how I can support him etc) but can see he is clearly in the right place for his recovery. I am just still swinging between emotions being really pleased and happy for him one day, and just hopeless and desperate on other days.
Some of the next steps include:
talking (he is already able to speak a very little now with huge effort of breathing up air into his mouth, and a very raspy breathless just audible voice)
trying out a motorised wheel chair to see if he will prefer to drive with his left or right hand, seeing which will be able to do the task of driving, nad splinting his arms and hands in order for him to be able to drive the chair at all
splinting his arms and hands and possibly using some sort of tenodesis device to give some sort of grasping motion
sitting in the chair for longer and longer periods while he gets stronger and his body learns how to be in that position again for longer and longer periods at a time
going out for an hour or two with us – away from the hospital
a night at home
a weekend at home
getting online and using assistive / augmentative appliances
These all depend upon his progress and how safe it will be for him to spend any time away from the rehab centre, how much I have learned in order to assist with what he needs, and how well he is able to cope with all the progress and hard work he does.
I suppose it is all part of the process, and I need more patience. I miss my hubby, I miss his presence, I miss his jokes, I miss his laughter and his hugs. I can only begin to think how hard it must be for him stuck there and having no access to any of the familiar things from home.
Together we can do this, but I find it really difficult to understand it is going to be 6 months until we are home together.
Keep working hard my love, and know that I am pulling for you. Always.